Tomb Sweeping Day - April 6, 2009

Tomb Sweeping Day - April 6, 2009

Today is Tomb Sweeping Day in China. I have no idea what that means. I imagine it has to do with sweeping tombs and showing respect for the dead, but it's one of the many things I need to google about China. Anyhow, the great thing about Tomb Sweeping Day is that it's also a public holiday. This means no work and no school, or - as we say in the U.S. - a 3 Day Weekend!!!

Michael and I decided that we should do something fun with the boys today, since it's not often that we have an extra Monday to ourselves. So we loaded ourselves into Mr. Lu's van and headed down to the Shanghai Ocean Aquarium (www.sh-soa.com). Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

You would think we would be smarter than this by now. We're living in a country with 1.3 billion people - that's more than 4 times the population of the U.S. - and they ALL have the day off today. (Except poor Mr. Lu, who gets stuck driving us any day of the year that we want. But we try to make sure he has 1-2 days per week where he doesn't drive at all or drives a very limited amount of time.) You would think that we would know by now that some portion of those 1.3 billion people would also want to be at the aquarium on their day off. But no. We just assumed it would be like the States, where even on a busy day you can move in an aquarium or a museum.

Everything seemed okay when we first arrived. We decided to buy an annual family pass, so we had the typical China delays associated with anything that requires paperwork. But after 20 minutes or so, we had our family pass (which included Mr. Lu and Lily - we could have up to 4 adults on the pass). We went through the entry way, down the escalator, around the corner and ran right into the ocean - of people. Every tank had people 3-4 thick in front of it. We pushed and nudged our way to the front, only to have Peter lose patience and want to go to a different tank as soon as we got close to one. M--- was happy to watch the fish, but he's not used to the pushing and shoving that goes on here, and he was soon unnerved by all the people trying to push him aside to see the fish for themselves.

We managed to hang back a bit from that particular crowd and fall in with a slightly smaller one, but the damage had been done. Within 40 minutes, we were all ready to go. P--- was crying, M--- was asking to leave, Mommy was close to crying and Daddy was doing his best to keep us all in good spirits. We headed for the exits, but even that took another 10 minutes of pushing and shoving to get out of the place! Never again. My hope is that by writing this down, I will burn this memory into my brain and the next time we think, "let's go to a major public attraction on a public holiday" my mind will quote 'Drowning Mona' and tell me (to quote the movie here - pardon the profanity), "That's a really ******* bad idea!!!!!" That's the plan, anyhow. Let's just hope my post-two-babies brain can handle it and save us from ourselves next time.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Today M---and I woke up anticipating a trip to the strawberry farm with M---'s school. I had arranged for P--- to stay with our ayi, so I could go on the school bus with M--- and take part in the field trip. But I should have known better. After all, this is China.

We arrived at school (dressed in M---'s school uniform, as directed) to find a class full of kids NOT in uniform. Hmmm...I asked Teacher Geoff what was going on. As luck (or, lack thereof) would have it, another school went to the strawberry farm yesterday and cleaned them out. There were no ripe, red strawberries to be had today. This was devastating news to M---, who was counting on a morning with Mom (and who resists changes to his plans only slightly less than his change-averse mother). But after tears, more tears and still more tears, I found myself in an unusual position - I was child-free for 2 1/2 hours!!! What to do with myself for that time?

After contemplating a number of impractical alternatives (heading to Taikang Lu, which is an hour's drive from the school, getting yet another massage, running away with the circus) I decided to ask Mr. Lu to take me back to the plant/flower market about 2 miles from our apartment. We have 3 balconies, all of which are barren desert balconies right now. Michael and I have been planning to get some plants for the balconies, and what better time to browse than without children?

We arrived at the plant market and Mr. Lu, as is customary, accompanied me inside to ensure that: 1) I don't get lost (it's happened) and 2) I don't get ripped off (this has also happened more than I care to admit). I began to wander and browse, without hesitation, as I am now accustomed to having someone accompany me everywhere. I saw an escalator and decided to explore. Oddly, the second floor of the plant market was filled with a random assortment of home furnishings and decorations. There were a number of traditional Chinese wooden furniture stores (with the fancy, carved wooden furniture). There were fake flower-arrangement shops (whose poor quality surpassed even my low expectations of Chinese fakes), frame shops, shops with fake porcelain vases and shops with fake carved Jade pieces. There was even a store selling fake antique phones that you can actually dial!! But the find of the day was at one of the furniture shops, where I stumbled across a woman knitting a sleeve for a child's sweater.

Using my 3-year-old level Chinese, I asked her where she got her yarn. This was difficult, considering I had no idea how to say yarn. Finally, she understood and started telling me where the store was. Great. I should know by now not to ask these questions until Mr. Lu is by my side, because the chance that I will actually understand the answer and be able to repeat it accurately is somewhere between the chances of someone naming a star for me and my winning the lottery. So...I found Mr. Lu in a nearby shop, brought him to the store and asked again where the yarn shop was. The lady told him, and he told me it was on Dongfang Lu- the same road on which M---'s school is located. Interesting...I thought. But I wasn't there for yarn, I was there for plants.

We headed back downstairs and began looking in earnest for plants. I found some at one vendor, but they were too expensive. Mr. Lu gave me his subtle head shake and whispered, "Tai gui le." Got it. On to the next vendor. Here, I found some beautiful plants - 3 huge ones with lovely ceramic pots for 700 RMB. (The pots alone would cost me that at Bordine's.) I had planned to bring Michael back on the weekend to help with the final decorating decision (he has an affinity for decorating that I find surprising given his very strong affinity for heterosexual sex...). But when the vendor stepped away, Mr. Lu looked at me and said, "I think this is very good price." Hmmm...I nodded and said, "Okay. Let's do it."

Now for the classic Mr. Lu move. As his son told me, "Everything is on sale every day for my father." Mr. Lu looked at the woman when she returned and asked if she could reduce the price a little bit. No. Oh, he says, too expensive. No. He asks for 500. She offers 650. I shake my head and make a motion to leave. Mr. Lu tells her this is still too expensive. 550. No. Okay, we will leave. Then, as usual - the magic price appears. 600 RMB for all three, plus free delivery. We're in! Frankly, I hadn't expected her to budge at all, since the last time we were at this market none of the vendors would negotiate. But the prospect of a big sale on a Wednesday (with no other customers in sight) was apparently enough to bring down the great wall around the price. And, as promised, my plants showed up promptly at 3:00.

Having found unexpected balcony beautification project success, I asked Mr. Lu if we could try to find the yarn shop. Sure, no problem. Well...maybe. No problem to try, but maybe a problem to actually find it. You see, we soon discovered that the shop was on one of those little "Chinese" streets that is lined with tiny shops selling everything from cheap mops to children's clothes to toilets. These stores don't cater to "Weiguorens" (aka, foreigners). They often have no signs. They can be tucked inside the driveways to apartment complexes. They probably have a bunch of stuff in front of them - stuff that is completely unrelated to the wares inside. So we drove and looked. We did a U-turn. We drove and looked. We joked that we needed to find a little old lady and ask her (very loudly, Mr. Lu reminded me, since she would probably be hard-of-hearing) where the store was. Just as I was preparing to give up, Mr. Lu exclaimed, "Ahhh...zai nali!!!" And there it was, indeed. I NEVER would have spotted this - in fact, I might have missed it if I were walking past it. So we did another U-turn, parked the van, and headed inside.

As you can imagine, the shop was tiny. And it's no exaggeration to say that when I walked in, the women in the store (there were 6 of them crammed in there, all standing up knitting something) stopped talking and stared, as only the Chinese can. Apparently they don't get many Americans in there. But I didn't care. I jumped up and down (literally - I did - you can ask Mr. Lu) and said, "Oh, this is so cool!!! I don't have to go all the way over to Fuxing Lu for yarn now!!" This startled them back to life and one laughed and said, with a thick Chinese accent, "Cool!!!" The rest of them laughed and they went back to knitting. I browsed at my leisure and looked at the sweaters hanging on the walls. To be honest, with the exception of the size of the store and the amount of dust on the bags of yarn (it was the standard amount of Chinese filth that I've come to expect everywhere here), the store wasn't much different than the yarn shops in the States. The walls were lined, floor to ceiling, with shelves of yarn. Cottons, wools, blends, etc. There were needles for sale, and a number of items on the wall that they would teach you how to make.

Then one of them approached me with a beautiful shawl (I think she had knitted it) and asked me how much I would have to pay for it if I bought it in the States. I told her probably $100 (it was large, well-made, hand-made and strikingly lovely). "Oh," she said, "I sell to you for 300 RMB." 300 RMB = $40. I responded (in Chinese) that I didn't want to buy it, but I would love to learn how to make it, since it appeared to be made using a number of pieces that were knit in the round and then sewn together somehow. Well, this was just too much for them. They beamed and asked me when I would come and knit with them - they would be happy to teach me how. And, if I bought the yarn there, they would teach me for free (a slightly better deal than at home, where I have to pay for yarn AND lessons). The store owner (a young gal, probably about my age, who spoke English quite well) was almost endearing because she was so excited by the prospect of my coming to knit with them. Of course, once I improve my Chinese and start gabbing at them nonstop like I do at home, they'll probably be less excited to have me there. But while I'm just good PR, they love me!

Anyhow, I bought some yarn with which I am going to make a scarf. It's a yarn unlike any I've seen at home - much of what they had was similar to what I find at home, and while there is nothing wrong with that (and I much prefer the Chinese prices), I always like to get something unique if I can. But I do plan to return next week during nap times to try and learn how to knit that shawl. Odds are, my Chinese will improve by being there, too. No better way to learn a new language than to immerse yourself in a situation where no ones speaks your native tongue.

Oh, and speaking of my Chinese, I had a breakthrough today at the plant market. For the first time since I began attempting to speak Chinese, I was able to understand the shopkeepers' responses when I asked how much something cost. Typically, I ask, they reply and then Mr. Lu translates into English. But today, I knew what he was going to say before he said it. Hooray!!! It's a small step, but it felt good, nonetheless. Maybe my goal of fluency isn't such a stretch goal after all...

Just another day in Shanghai

Just another day in Shanghai

Yesterday was Labour Day here in China - a national holiday. Michael had the day off, so we decided to head to Puxi for some Persian rug shopping. I had seen an ad in the "That's Shanghai" magazine and wanted to check out their inventory. The bottom line? You can find a lot of good deals on a ton of stuff in China - but not on Persian rugs. A rug that costs $10,000 in the U.S. costs ~70,000 RMB in Shanghai - for a grand discount of...drum roll please...nothing. Same price. Our conclusion? Maybe we'll skip the rugs while we're here and focus on other stuff (read: stuff that's actually a bargain). Shanghai is so filthy, too, that any nice rug we buy is bound to be black before we get it home - even if it wasn't to begin with.

So after determining that a new rug is not in our immediate future, we decided to focus on something that was: lunch. I had also read about a little restaurant on the same street as the rug gallery that was supposed to have the best Chicago style pizza in the city. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. We wouldn't know, because when we arrived at 1636 Beijing Xi Lu (West Beijing Street), all we saw was a noodle joint. Bummer. We had to "settle" for a New York Style pizza on Taikang Lu (a little pedestrian area filled with all kinds of shops selling all kinds of goods - mostly to western tourists - at high prices). I say "settle" because I'm not a fan of thin crust pizza at all. To me, pizza needs to have a thick, chewy crust with lots of sauce and lots of cheese. New York Style pizza has a thin crust, sparingly little sauce and even less cheese. Please. That's like eating sugar-free chocolate - what's the point? But Michael and the boys liked it and it was fun to wander around the shops, so it was a success.

Speaking of shops, one of the shops next to the pizza place sells hand-made childrens' sweaters - and guess how much they cost? ~200 RMB, or just over $30. Wow. They're made of beautiful wools, cashmere blends and creamy cottons - perfect for special occasions. Unfortunately, they only run up to about a 24 month size, so I couldn't find any for MJ. But Peter and Kate are going to be getting sweaters for Christmas, as will new baby Wahl. I worry that David may already be getting too big, since he's a sturdier boy than Peter and the Chinese kids (who most likely serve as the models for these sweaters).

Last night we went with three other couples and their children from our compound to a restaurant called "Latina" in the underground market. It's the oddest thing - it's in the underground market, but it's outside. I can't explain it because I'm not quite sure how it works - everything around us was inside, but we could see the moon and the smog from our table, so I know we were truly outside. Anyhow, it was a great place - they had a kids' play area that the kids enjoyed, and Fridays are half-price night for ladies. Except, of course, last night didn't count, because even though it was Friday it was also a holiday - of course...classic China. Or maybe it was because we were all a bunch of foreigners and they didn't think we'd fight them on it (which we didn't). It's always tough to tell when something doesn't seem quite right if it's not quite right because it's just a China thing or if it's not quite right because you're a foreigner. Ahhh...the joys of living in a place where the way you look at speak makes it clear you don't entirely belong.

So that's it. On to today...

Saturday, May 2nd

FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009

Saturday, May 2nd

Today is day 2 of our lovely, stay-at-home long weekend. We are having a bunch of people over for a barbecue tonight, so Michael and Mr. Lu took the boys to the new City Shop (a grocery store full of over-priced imported items that everyone pays for anyhow because they're so desperate for a taste of home). I had a chance to spend an hour or so on my own, and I decided I would go pick up the professional photos of Peter I had taken about a month ago. They told me the photos would be ready on 5/2, and I was excited to see them.

But, I should have known better. After all, as I've said before (and will probably say again many, many, many times) this is China. I walked into the studio and was greeted excitedly by a pretty Chinese gal, "Oh!!! You Peter Mommy!" Yes, I Peter Mommy. I want Peter photos. No problem, sit down, sit down. I gave her my receipt (ALWAYS necessary - they will NEVER find your stuff if you don't provide the paperwork - no such thing as alphabetical order in a place without an alphabet!!!). She looked for the photos. Nothing. Made a call on her cell phone. Of course...the photos aren't here yet! (Why should they be? It's only been two weeks since I placed the final order. Clearly that wasn't enough time to print them and actually deliver them to the studio.) Just like my experiences at the fabric market. So they tell me to sit down, the photos are in transit and will be here soon. How soon? I ask them. Hmmmm....maybe they will call me when the photos arrive.

So I headed home and had just sat down to write this post (my first chance to write in quite awhile, as you can probably tell by the dearth of new posts on my blogs) when what happens? My cell phone rings. I picked it up and heard, "Peter Mommy??" Yes, Peter Mommy here. Fasli agoijh adkj weithcghu cmeishat. Or something like that. I couldn't understand her because she was speaking far too quickly for my elementary Chinese knowledge. But I am pretty sure that the photos are at the studio now. I guess I'll have to walk down there again and find out...and who knows what adventure I'll have this time? Odds are there will be something not quite right!

Back to the barbecue, though. I have never lived in a place like this before, where there were so many people living in the same apartment complex. When we first moved here, we were most likely to run into people in the elevator lobby or in the children's play rooms. Meetings didn't happen very often, and when they did, no one stopped to chat for long.

Not anymore. It turns out that some things are universal. Just like in Rochester, good weather brings everyone outdoors...and we've been seeing a lot more of our neighbors. Everyone wants to get together and walk somewhere for dinner, or barbecue, or take the kids to the park, or just hang out down by the sand pit. It's wonderful. I was getting quite lonely for awhile because even though I have made friends here, seeing them was always a result of an organized event. Spontaneous meetings (the kind that make you feel as though you're not alone here) didn't happen often. Now, they happen all the time and everyone is happy to stop and chat. Spring comes and people, not just plants, bloom to catch the new warmth of the sun.

This is an example of how I am continuously surprised by how similar things are here to home. The longer we're here, the more I think that the only things that are truly different are the spoken language and the physical location. Other than that, people are people!

Will let you know about the photos...here's hoping!

Our First Shanghai Barbecue

Our First Shanghai Barbecue

So on Saturday, May 2, we invited four other couples and their children over for a barbecue. It was a nice mix of people - we had 4 Australians, 3 Americans, 2 Brits and 1 New Zealander-turned-Canadian-turned American. Interestingly, the Brits aren't married to each other (they're both men). Turns out it's quite common for Australians to marry Brits and vice versa. So we had two married Australians present, but no married Brits. The only reason I mention it is that this seems to be a particularly common mixed-nationality western nation pairing. If you meet a German woman, odds are good that her husband is German, too. Same for the French, the Spaniards, etc. But all bets are off when you meet someone from the U.K. - I've found here that they have a 50/50 chance of being married to someone from Australia. Not an earth-shattering observation, but interesting to me, nonetheless.

So anyhow, we had a barbecue it. It was a huge success - Michael's fantastic grill skills deserve the credit. But I think everyone enjoyed a true, western-style meal. Just like at home, everyone brought a dish to pass and we had a good mix of pasta salad, veggie salad, potatoes, burgers, kebabs, corn on the cob, etc. Lots of fun.

It's interesting, though, when you get people together here. At home, if I were to invite some new friends over for dinner, I would get out our good serving platters and nice wine glasses - even if I didn't bust out the China. But here - no one brought their good stuff. Without fail, we all packed that stuff up in boxes and stored it somewhere in our home country. We were all told that it would get broken here - either in transit (likely) or by our ayis (probably not so likely - Lily and most of the others I've met are very careful with everything). So here we are, a bunch of people who all have "proper" entertaining-ware at home, eating off of whatever we can find. With 17 people total (including kids) and only 8 place settings provided by our apartment complex, we found ourselves eating off some very tiny plates at times. But that's the beauty of expatriate life. We are all in this together, and we all understand exactly why the nice dip is being served in a plastic Nemo bowl from Carrefour. We all understand why wine is being served in a plastic Mickey Mouse glass, or in a coffee cup. And the best part is, no one cares.

I understand that in so many ways our lifestyle here does not even begin to compare to the pared-down lifestyle our parents and grandparents lived when they were just starting out. Expat packages are known for their generosity - no one here suffers from a shortage of funds. But here's the thing - people who are up for an expat assignment in a place like China are usually into traveling. So all that extra money goes toward trips to the places we want to see - not toward new serving platters or wine glasses. As a result, we end up living (in a few ways) a more basic lifestyle from a material goods perspective. And as I'm sure you can all predict - we're happier for it. Drinking wine from a Mickey Mouse glass makes for a much funnier story than drinking wine from a fancy wine glass. We all laughed, no one worried about dropping their glass and the kids all picked up on the relaxed atmosphere and enjoyed themselves, too.

I'm sure we'll have many more instances where we're at our house or a friend's house and end up eating food off of a plate we wouldn't dream of using with "company" at home - and we'll have a good time doing it. How relaxed we all are without our "special" things - and how much happier. The trick will be maintaining that when we return to the U.S. and have all that "stuff" again.

MJ's first school "sick" day

MONDAY, MAY 4, 2009

MJ's first school "sick" day

Well, today MJ had to stay home from school. Why? He was "sick" according to the school nurse.

A little background, first. Every day when the kids enter the school, they all have to line up to see the school nurse. She looks in their eyes and their mouths. Then she gives them a squirt of hand sanitizer and tells them to wash their hands. Finally (if they pass inspection) she gives them a little red plastic rectangle (approximately 1" X 2") to take to their classroom. Outside each classroom is a board with a bunch of pockets where they are supposed to stick their little red plastic "I'm okay" thing-y in a little slot below their name and picture. MJ's classroom has a board with a school-bus drawn on it, and rows of pictures above the pockets. This would be fantastic, if the pictures and names were up to date. However, MJ has been going to school there since early February and neither his picture nor his name are anywhere on the "bus". So he just picks a pocket, slides his "I'm healthy" indicator into it and goes into the classroom. At some point in the day, someone comes around and removes all the red plastic things and takes them back downstairs to repeat the process the next day. It's ridiculous, because there is absolutely no way to trace who put their red thing where, but it's how things are done here.

So, today MJ has a canker-sore on the inside of his lower lip. When we arrive at school and reach the school nurse, she peers inside his mouth and declares that he cannot come in, he must go home and (preferably, in her opinion), he should be taken to the hospital. Excuse me??? I'm sorry, but there is NO WAY I'm taking my child to the hospital for a canker sore. First of all, it's a canker sore. Second of all, health care in China is a very bureaucratic business, so a trip to the hospital is not going to be a quick jaunt. Third of all, any time my children set foot inside a hospital/clinic, they end up with something worse (health-wise) than what they originally went to see the doctor about in the first place.

To be fair, there have been outbreaks of hand, foot and mouth disease at a number of kindergartens in Shanghai, so I appreciate their concern. However, the sores associated with HFM are distinct - and do not look like canker sores at all. In addition, if there is so much concern for communicable diseases, why do they allow kids with hacking swine-flu-like coughs to stay at school as long as they carry a white surgical face mask? I'm sure there aren't any little virus-cells escaping from those oh-so-air-tight, high-Chinese-quality surgical masks. And I'm sure there are absolutely none on the kids hands...(please note my liberal use of sarcasm, both when speaking and writing).

So yes, my child missed school today for a canker sore. I'm pleased to report that after a day of observation (as the school nurse requested), his canker sore has not resulted in a deadly fever of any kind. Whew. I was worried for a minute. In addition, MJ has not experienced any fainting or dizzy spells, any shortness of breath, any loss of appetite, or any other adverse side effects as a result of his canker sore. Rest easy, concerned family members. I think he will live. (Whether he's allowed into school on Wednesday is a whole separate issue, though!)

Do you like it there?

FRIDAY, MAY 8, 2009

Do you like it there?

"Do you like it there?"

We often get this question from people back in the States. This is a loaded question, especially because it's often asked by people who have a vested interest in our not liking Shanghai (no intention to offend there, it's just the way it is). I know that when people ask us this question, what they are really asking is, "Have you endured enough to come to your senses and finally come home to us?"

Well, here's the thing: We do like it here. And we don't. Look, it's hard to dislike a place where you can afford full-time domestic help, where you have no yardwork, cars to maintain or weekend "projects". And heck, they pay us extra for this. But it's not lack of domestic responsibilities that makes life here so nice. It's what we get to do with our time instead.

Before you had kids, didn't you have a romantic, idealized picture of what parenthood would be like? You would spend hours with your kids - reading to them, taking them to the park, playing with them, watching movies and cuddling with them. Ahhh...blissful parenthood. And then you actually hadkids, and you found out that parenthood is just an exhausted crazy dash from one disaster to another. Who spilled water? Who drew on the walls? Who hit whom? Who won't go to sleep? Who's been sleeping so long you think they might have died? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

And that's why we like it here - because when you don't have to spend time cleaning toilets or cooking dinner (unless you actually want to), or doing laundry or washing floors, you get to spend time being a parent (and a spouse) the way you imagined you would be, back when you had time to think about those sorts of things. And that is really nice. Here in Shanghai, I have time to be a Mom in the way I dreamed I would be a Mom. On the mornings when MJ goes to school, PW and I don't dash from Meijer's to the post office to the drugstore and then back to school - we play together. We read. We throw rocks in the river. We go to mom's group. And when MJ comes home, we eat lunch together. On days he doesn't go to school, we take a music class. We go for walks. We have play dates. It's hard to not like being this kind of parent.

However, that is not to say that there aren't lots of things we don't like about Shanghai. There are. For starters - it's filthy. The air is awful. We're always coughing, sneezing, wheezing, etc. There is a reason Chinese people hack and cough the way they do - you would too if you breathed this air your whole life. It's not just the air, though. Lily washes our floors every day and we still get black filth on our socks - even though everyone takes their shoes off as soon as they come in the door. I have no idea where this filth comes from, but it's disgusting.

There's also the staring, the "you're in a zoo" feeling, the people who give your kids food on the street without your knowledge, the horrible drivers and the general difficulty of living among 1.4 billion people every day.

Most of all, though, there's the distance. It's hard to be away from everyone. We know we're missing things that happen at home, and we know people we love are missing events in our children's lives. In case anyone was wondering, that point hadn't slipped our minds. We're very aware of it - everyone here is. It's something we discuss with friends. But it's not something we dwell on. If we want to be happy here, we can't dwell on that - it would drag us too far down. We've met people who focus on all that they're missing - and they're miserable. They're also not much fun to be around, which makes life more miserable for them because they have few friends. We've also met people who've taken their time in Shanghai and turned it into an amazing life experience. It may not be the one they planned on having, and it may not be with the loved ones they'd most like to share it with, but it's amazing nonetheless. Those are the people we want to emulate.

So if you've been wondering if we really, truly, deep down in our hearts like it here, yes, we do. But we still miss you terribly.

Our weekend trip to She Shan

Our weekend trip to She Shan

This past weekend we went with a group of friends and their children to a place called Sheshan National Resort Area. It was about an hour from downtown Shanghai (with decent traffic), or two hours (as we learned on the way home when the traffic was not so good). Sheshan is a great place to go with kids and dogs - dogs can run free, off the leash. Kids can also run free, off the leash (except for PW, who pretty much needs to be contained at all times - ha ha!). There is a great wading pool park, with 3-4 huge wading pools, fountains, a water fall, and plenty of places to play and splash. Overall, it was a great trip. The kids romped (see the pictures, coming soon) and our soon-to-be-dog (for two months), Jessica, had a great time splashing and chasing balls in the water. Nothing unique about the trip, in many ways - it could have been a trip to a park/waterpark in the States or anywhere else in the world...except for one little thing...

...our transportation there. We are really lucky because we are provided with a car (read: blue or silver - in our case blue - Buick minivan) and driver, Mr. Lu. The friends we traveled with do not have drivers. So we did the math and realized that if we removed the car seats and each adult held either a kid or a dog, we could fit all 6 adults, 5 kids and 1 dog into our van - thereby eliminating the need to spend 750 RMB (about $110) on taxi fares there and back. This is something I never thought I would be doing with my children. After all, in the States it's not only good common sense to always use a carseat for small children - it's the law. But in China, anything goes. If you're up for the risk, go for it. So we did.

The verdict? Well, aside from the comments from our neighbors regarding our similarity to a clown car (they watched as all twelve people - including Mr. Lu - and a dog unfolded themselves from our van upon our return), it wasn't all bad. It makes for a good story (because we didn't crash and die). But, in some ways I think the real value of carseats lies in the sanity they provide parents - not just the safety they provide kids. When your kids are able to move around the vehicle while it's moving, it can be nerve-wracking - and sometimes it just gets on your nerves. Most kids adjust to car seats fairly well. They can't move, they realize they can't move, and there is no way around it. So they sit still and play with the toys you provide, listen to the music playing, look out the windows, etc. When they realize they are not strapped down and they can move about - look out! They do (well, at least our kids do. The other three kids were pretty good...although the youngest is only 3 months old, so he probably isn't a fair comparison point). They opened windows, they pressed buttons, they turned on the reading lights, turned off the air conditioning, turned on the hazards, etc. By the time we returned home, I was ready for them to be back in the carseat - just to prevent the risk of death by strangulation by Mommy.

But beyond the van-turned-into-mobile-amusement-park issues, we had one other humorous event on our trip. Our friends Kate and Keith, Jessica-the-dog's "parents" brought along a small (6" diameter), red doggie dish for water and food. For some reason it was not in the bag on the way home, and MJ started using it as a "steering wheel", so that he could drive the car with Mr. Lu. Now, I know we've all said this before about boxes, bubble wrap, styrofoam packing peanuts and the like, but who needs toys when you can play with a dog dish??? So for at least 30 minutes of our two-hour drive home, MJ and the second oldest child in the group, E, fought over who got to use the dog dish as a steering wheel. Lovely.

And it gets even lovelier. You see, at one point MJ stuck his face into the dog dish and licked it (why I am admitting this, I'm not sure). Kate told him, "I wouldn't do that if I were you, because Jessica sometimes eats poo. Then she licks her dog bowl, so there might be traces of poo on that bowl." Not to be deterred by dog feces, MJ replied, in a serious voice, "But I like eating traces of poo!" Eeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!! And later that mouth would kiss me goodnight. The things they say and do. Sometimes you laugh (I have to admit, we all laughed at that comment, even if we were simultaneously grossed out by it), sometimes you cry, but there's never a dull moment!

So that was our weekend trip. There are so many places to see in China that are full of historical and cultural significance. Sheshan is home to the largest cathedral in China, but we didn't get to see it. Hopefully we will the next time we go up. The thing that fascinates me, though, is that although we get to see all these places, often times it's what the kids do (or don't do) that makes the trip memorable. That would be the same at home, or anyplace we might live. And maybe that's the lesson here - that no matter how (seemingly) different the places you go, the things that matter are the same.

argh...the great fire wall and guilt about domestic help

TUESDAY, MAY 19, 2009

argh...the great fire wall and guilt about domestic help

So I started a blog to keep people updated on our time in Shanghai - www.theshannoninshanghaiupdate.blogspot.com. This was working beautifully until two days ago when blogspot was mysteriously blocked by the great fire wall - along with youtube - and now I'm hosed. The ironic thing is that I don't really have a beef with the communist government here. They do some great things that would take years in the U.S., where we'd all have to vote on it, the lobbyists would have to pay a bunch of congressmen off, and we'd take forever to do something that makes sense to 99.9% of the people. For instance - they banned plastic grocery bags here. What a great idea!!! You can buy (for roughly 7 cents a bag) big, re-usable grocery bags that you keep in your car. It's brilliant. At home, this would take 10 years or so to accomplish, but everyone here seems to have adapted pretty quickly. It's not really that hard to carry four or five bags from your car to the store each time you go...

Or lightbulbs. Incandescent bulbs are either banned or soon to be. Everyone has to use compact fluorescent bulbs instead. Seriously - how bad is that? They use 1/5 (or something like that) the power of regular lightbulbs. With 1.3 billion people here, that's going to make a difference pretty quickly...

But it's irritating to not be able to post videos of your kids or update your blog. Seriously, who cares? So there's a video of protesters in Tibet out there...they generated more publicity for it by blocking it than they would have gotten otherwise. I have no idea why blogspot is blocked. I'm sure it's for a VERY important reason. So...in the meantime, you get to hear my rantings here on facebook (which, I'm sure, will be blocked soon...).

So what have I been wanting to rant about lately? Domestic help. Don't get me wrong, it's great to have it. I love having dinner cooked for me every night, and I love not having to worry about cleaning the house. But the other day I sat down with a salad and a glass of wine for lunch. I grabbed a book, went out to the balcony, and relaxed for about 45 minutes. This is something I NEVER had the time to do in the States. But I thought, "What the heck...why not??" And then, when I came back in the apartment, I got my answer. Because while I was sitting there, sipping wine, eating a lovely chicken salad and finishing Ursula Hegi's The Worst Thing I've Done , Lily was on the other balcony washing the glass partition that keeps the boys from tumbling to their deaths (but which gets ridiculously dirty). Within 2 seconds of turning around, I went from feeling relaxed to feeling guilty about sitting there while she worked. And I struggled with this for a few days.

Now I know that everyone who's never experienced this is probably thinking something along the lines of "Oh, poor Shannon. Such a tough life. Feeling guilty about having to have a glass of wine at lunch...poor baby." And I get that. I would have felt the same way 6 months ago. But there's nothing like having your every action force an ethical debate in your mind. Is it wrong to relax while the woman (who is only 3 years older than you) you pay to clean your apartment busts her butt? Is it wrong to ask your driver to work overtime? Is it wrong to fight for a lower price at the fake market, even though you can really afford to pay more? As I told my dad, I just want to go home and be in a place where I know the rules...where I don't have to wonder if what I'm doing is wrong. Because while I feel guilty about having an ayi who makes a ridiculously low wage compared to what she would in the States, I have learned from friends that NOT having an ayi is even worse. Not because you're doing all the work you would do at home, but because you get chastised by local Chinese people for not employing someone while you're here. Turns out, there is an expectation that you will have AT LEAST one ayi (and more, if possible) working for you if you're an expat here. It's your duty. Go figure. You can't win for losing.

So I struggled with my guilt for a few days, and then I thought about our builder, Tom. Tom was awesome - if you ever need a contractor, let me know. But here's the thing: I never felt guilty about resting while Tom was doing something around the house. Why? Because most of the time, I couldn't do what Tom did. I couldn't help him if I wanted to. And that's the difference. I CAN wash the windows and make dinners. I CAN do laundry. I CAN make the beds. But I pay Lily to do that, just as I payed Tom to build us a house. And I think it's okay to sit down while she's here - as long as I'm not obnoxious about it.

I'm sure my guilt isn't gone forever. But it's gone for the moment. I know I (okay, we - although truth be told, it impacts my day more than Michael's because he's at work and I'm at home) am doing my part, employing a Chinese national. And we're treating her well. We pay well above average wages. We pay excessive amounts for overtime. We don't leave huge messes. I'm teaching her English. We've signed her up for Western cooking classes, which will benefit her in the future. We've bought her Western and Chinese cook books. If this all sounds like an attempt to assuage my guilt - it is. But we all do what we have to do, even if it sounds ridiculous to people in other situations...

Too much stuff

WEDNESDAY, MAY 20, 2009

Too much stuff

As I was perusing Facebook this afternoon, I noticed an exchange between my sister in law and a friend of hers about having too much stuff. This is an interesting topic of conversation among expats here in Shanghai, for two reasons. First, there is the constant juxtaposition of foreign expatriate people (like ourselves) who have a TON of stuff and all the people working for/with/around them (like our ayi and our driver) who have almost nothing (when our ayi moved to a new apartment she was able to do so using only her bicycle).

Second, though, is the fact that when you move to a place like Shanghai, it takes 8 weeks for your sea shipment (which contains the majority of your things) to arrive and 3 weeks (which contains ~10% of your things) to arrive. So, for at least three weeks, you are living with only those things that you could carry with you on your flight (or, in our case, what Michael, I, my mom, my dad, my Aunt Lisa, my Uncle Doug and my cousin Adam) could carry in two SUVs to the airport - 17 boxes in total (two of them toys for the boys). Oh, and our apartment is furnished with basic living necessities - furniture, 8 place settings of IKEA dinner ware, etc. So we didn't need to worry about things like that. But it's not the basic stuff that I think we refer to when we say we have "too much stuff". It's the accumulated, semi-consumable stuff like clothing, toys, knick-knacks, etc.

When we arrived here, we lived for three weeks with minimal clothing and roughly 40% of the boys' overall toy collection. When our air shipment arrived (which was mostly the remainder of the boys' toys and some useful kitchen items, like measuring cups and spoons), I distinctly remember thinking, "Why do we need all these additional toys? The boys have been perfectly happy without them." And I thought that for awhile, gave a bunch of toys to our ayi to give to families she knows, and went on with life.

Then, our sea shipment arrived (sans food, which was held up by customs for an additional 4 weeks, but that's a whole different story). And that's when I said to Michael, "Holy Shit!!! Why do we have all THIS stuff??" We were just fine without it. Sure, the sea shipment included some not-IMMEDIATELY-necessary-but-still-necessary items like our summer clothing, but it included a lot of stuff that we probably don't need. In fact, 5 boxes are still sitting in the hallway, waiting to be unpacked. I am going to venture a guess that we REALLY don't need that stuff. Shanghai charities, here we come. And to top it all off, there's still a lot of stuff sitting in boxes in our house in Michigan!

So the question I have for us all is this: Why DO we have all this stuff? I'm not convinced that it makes us happier, because I didn't miss it when I didn't have it. And when it arrived it just overwhelmed me - in fact, it almost made me unhappy. And now I have to clean it, wash it, dust it, organize it, or otherwise take care of it (okay, you got me there - Lily does that...but I'll have to when we lug it all back home). It reminds me of something my grandfather told me about 10 years ago. He said, "Honey, don't accumulate too much nice stuff in life. It's just more stuff to maintain, insure, or both." At the time, I ignored him. Now I think he's right on the money.

Yet...it's so EASY to accumulate more. We walk down to the underground market (a fake market about 4 blocks from our house, housed within the subway station) and there's all this STUFF that we think we need or want. Fake purses (any brand you can think of). Fake watches (same). Toys, clothing, interior decorating items, prescription glasses (actually not a bad buy, from what I hear). Shoes. Tablecloths, placemats, chopsticks. Picture frames. Just about anything you can think of, you can find there. It's cheap, esp. if you speak a little bit of Chinese and can bargain them down below the "Hi I'm a stupid tourist" price. And after all, isn't the accumulation of stuff what keeps us all employed (or, all these Chinese people) and the economy going?

Maybe. But maybe not. Chinese people don't accumulate stuff - they accumulate savings. They seem to be pretty happy, too. I've read quite a bit about how the government is trying to foster a consumerist attitude here, to make up for the falling demand from overseas (read: U.S.) customers. This might be good for their short term economy, but I wonder if it's good for the long term anything. My grandmother once told me that she felt badly for all her grandchildren, because although we have so much more stuff than she ever dreamed of as a child, none of us seem as truly happy as she remembers being - and she grew up during the Depression.

So, like my sister in law and brother, are trying to reduce the amount of "stuff" we have. Will it result in any major life changes? I don't know. But it's that much less I'll have to clean when we come home!

Going Global

SATURDAY, MAY 23, 2009

Going Global

The other day I was out with some friends and MJ was with us. He happened to have an Italian flag that he was playing with, and one of my friends (who is Australian) asked him if he knew of which country the flag he had represented. He did not. So we told him, and about 3 hours we asked him again. With a tiny reminder (Iiii----) he responded, “Italy!!!” Hooray!

The exposure our children have to people from other cultures and countries is absolutely astonishing. MJ’s classroom has kids from the U.S. (obviously – we contributed one of them), Australia, Brazil, Singapore, Isreal, Germany, China, Japan, Korea and one of the Middle Eastern nations (not sure which one). Here in our compound, he routinely plays with kids from Australia, France, Chile, Japan, China, Spain and Germany. Many nights MJ asks us to “look at the world” with him – which means that he wants us to look at the atlas with him and tell him the names of countries, as well as who we know from those countries.

I think this is great. In fact, our mingling with people from different backgrounds reminds me of my time in Ann Arbor. Ann Arbor had the same eclectic, diverse group of people as we get here. The other night, I hosted a wine tasting and the following countries were represented: U.S., Australia, Norway, Japan, Germany, Great Britain, Spain and Chile. And there were only 9 women there. It’s amazing. I’ve learned so much already about other countries – geography, history, politics, etc.

But what’s really interesting to me are the conversations about slang words. These conversations are especially fascinating when the three main English-speaking countries are involved (the U.S., Australia and Great Britain). It turns out you have to be careful what you say – because otherwise you may end up being much funnier than you intended. For instance, on our way out to SheShan last weekend, Mr. Lu was having trouble getting the air conditioning in the van to work properly. This was because PW had been playing with all the knobs on the dashboard. So I said as much. That’s when I learned that “knob” in Australia means something different than “knob” in the U.S. – and to state that PW was playing with “the knobs” meant something that would prompt a call to social services back home…oooops.

Or take the word “fanny”. One day one of the kids fell down and landed (according to his “mum”) on his “bum”. We starting talking about all the different words used for “bum” in the States, and I mentioned “fanny”. Again…not the same in the U.K. or Australia!!! Same region, different country (when talking about body geography). That’s a good one to clarify – otherwise, one night when we’ve all had too much to drink and are talking about things we shouldn’t, someone might get the impression that someone else is a lot kinkier than expected!!!

So our education continues. I’m sure this is just what Johnson Controls had in mind when they sent M over here to gain exposure to another culture…swear words and slang! Now let’s just hope we can keep the lessons the kids learn a bit cleaner for at least a few more years!