The other day I found an old essay that I had written in college. It was a shortie - one page long - probably written as part of an application for one of the many scholarships I pursued to pay for my education. In it, I talked about my goals at the time. I professed a desire to run a Fortune 500 company and break down any remaining gender barriers in the business world. Great stuff, if you're trying to convince someone to give you money for college.
As I read the essay, though, I realized that the person who wrote it didn't exist anymore - at least she didn't exist within me. Maybe she never did exist within me. Either way, she had convinced me (at one time) that she did exist within me - and that her goals were my goals; that her dreams were my dreams. As I sat on the floor of our guest bedroom/home office/sewing room/doggie room, I was surprised to realize I didn't mourn her loss. Here in the US, aren't you supposed to be disappointed when you realize you won't ever recognize a grand dream like that? Aren't you supposed to do everything you're capable of - to set goals and then strive to attain them, even if you are miserable all the while? We have phrases like "maximizing your potential" and "doing all you can do" that supposedly define a successful life. And for some people, maybe this is true (especially if your goal is to win boardroom bingo every time you're in a meeting). But that begs the question - what does it mean to maximize one's potential, to be successful?
Maybe it's due to the proliferation of MBAs in this country, maybe it's because people dislike ambiguity, but it seems to me that most people default to a definition of success that is quantifiable. How much money do you make? How big is your house? (Or the classic male yardstick - how long is your schlong?) How many people do you manage? Even faith and religion can be boiled down to a number - how many times per month do you attend church or temple? How many times per day do you pray?
We tend to believe that this metrics-based approach to life is valuable because it allows us to compare and contrast ourselves with others - to determine where we rank in the pack. But it also focuses our efforts on that which can be easily measured - and to ignore that which cannot. Am I not "maximizing my potential" if I choose to stay home and raise my children? Maybe not my financial potential - but what about my parenting potential? What about the potential for a more peaceful, relaxed home atmosphere for my children and my husband? What about the health potential for my family, from more nutritious, home-cooked meals?
I think the main reason we measure ourselves this way is because of a lack of confidence. The part of us that is still in junior high - in the middle of puberty, awkward and uncertain about how we fit in and measure up - needs success in the quantifiable areas of life to reassure us that we've made it and we're cool and everyone knows it. Only when we let go of those insecurities can we decide for ourselves in which area of our lives we want to "maximize our potential" - and then it doesn't matter if anyone else approves, because we're too cool (and confident) to care.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Creatrix - its significance
Alright, so I told you in my last post what a creatrix is (at least according to Madame Creatrix's Complete English Dictionary - 1st edition). But why is it significant to me?
I am fascinated by creativity, creations and those who are able to create. Artists, photographers, poets, quilters, knitters, authors, chefs, woodworkers, you name it - anyone who creates something unique and of themselves interests me. I dabble in many "creative" pursuits - quilting, knitting, scrapbooking, cooking, gardening (and now woodturning has caught my attention) - but so far, I've only completed projects that were designed by someone else. Call it the "paint by number" approach to creation. Someday, I'm going to take that first step toward creating something original, something new, something ME. It's not that I don't have ideas - I have plenty of those. A family tree quilt, a geological history of Torch Lake quilt, a Hawaiian sunrise quilt...the list goes on. I just lack two important elements of creation - time and confidence. My hope is that by the time I have the time to focus on my creative pursuits, my confidence will be there, too.
Meanwhile, my two independent creations are keeping me busy - the Stinkerpootis and the Nutta. Motherhood (especially pregnancy) is the epitome of creation. I loved being pregnant - I was building a person!!! I was fascinated by the complexity of what I was doing while I was pregnant. I used to chide my friends in IT that they took years to build new systems, software, hardware, etc. - but that I could build a whole person in just nine months! While post-birth mothering isn't as hit-you-over-the-head person creating (no more kidney building going on), mothers still get to be the primary influence in the creation of a child's character. Given the importance of character these days, I think that's pretty darn cool, if I do say so myself.
So that's it. That's why I named my blog Madame Creatrix. Well, it's why I wanted to name it Creatrix. Madame Creatrix came about when I found out that other people had already snagged the URLs creatrix.blogspot.com and thecreatrix.blogspot.com. I considered MommaCreatrix and LaCreatrix, but I thought Madame Creatrix sounded more sophisticated. Based on my husband's original reaction to the name, I may live to regret that decision. We'll see...maybe not everyone has as dirty a mind as he has...
I am fascinated by creativity, creations and those who are able to create. Artists, photographers, poets, quilters, knitters, authors, chefs, woodworkers, you name it - anyone who creates something unique and of themselves interests me. I dabble in many "creative" pursuits - quilting, knitting, scrapbooking, cooking, gardening (and now woodturning has caught my attention) - but so far, I've only completed projects that were designed by someone else. Call it the "paint by number" approach to creation. Someday, I'm going to take that first step toward creating something original, something new, something ME. It's not that I don't have ideas - I have plenty of those. A family tree quilt, a geological history of Torch Lake quilt, a Hawaiian sunrise quilt...the list goes on. I just lack two important elements of creation - time and confidence. My hope is that by the time I have the time to focus on my creative pursuits, my confidence will be there, too.
Meanwhile, my two independent creations are keeping me busy - the Stinkerpootis and the Nutta. Motherhood (especially pregnancy) is the epitome of creation. I loved being pregnant - I was building a person!!! I was fascinated by the complexity of what I was doing while I was pregnant. I used to chide my friends in IT that they took years to build new systems, software, hardware, etc. - but that I could build a whole person in just nine months! While post-birth mothering isn't as hit-you-over-the-head person creating (no more kidney building going on), mothers still get to be the primary influence in the creation of a child's character. Given the importance of character these days, I think that's pretty darn cool, if I do say so myself.
So that's it. That's why I named my blog Madame Creatrix. Well, it's why I wanted to name it Creatrix. Madame Creatrix came about when I found out that other people had already snagged the URLs creatrix.blogspot.com and thecreatrix.blogspot.com. I considered MommaCreatrix and LaCreatrix, but I thought Madame Creatrix sounded more sophisticated. Based on my husband's original reaction to the name, I may live to regret that decision. We'll see...maybe not everyone has as dirty a mind as he has...
Madame Creatrix - the origin
What is a creatrix???? And how is it significant???? Read on, before you assume (as my husband did) that my intentions with this name were anything less than honorable... ;)
My husband and I live in a renovated, added-onto home that was originally built in the 1870s (we believe). We have been trying to get an historical plaque for our home, but we need proof of its original construction date. As all homes in our area default to a construction date of 1901, we have to provide proof of its earlier existence on our lot.
Our neighbor was kind enough to lend us the abstract of the original title to her home, which lists ownership and transfers for our entire block back to the 1860s. The abstract is a good 50 pages of exciting 1950s era legalese (and if you have trouble sleeping at night, I recommend it in place of Ambien, Lunesta or any other pharmaceutical snooze-inducers). However, while reading the abstract, I learned that the feminine forms of nouns that usually end in "or" (think administrator, executor, dominator) use the suffix "trix" (administratrix, executrix, domina...well, you get the idea). Enter the word "creatrix".
Creatrix...the feminine creator.
My husband and I live in a renovated, added-onto home that was originally built in the 1870s (we believe). We have been trying to get an historical plaque for our home, but we need proof of its original construction date. As all homes in our area default to a construction date of 1901, we have to provide proof of its earlier existence on our lot.
Our neighbor was kind enough to lend us the abstract of the original title to her home, which lists ownership and transfers for our entire block back to the 1860s. The abstract is a good 50 pages of exciting 1950s era legalese (and if you have trouble sleeping at night, I recommend it in place of Ambien, Lunesta or any other pharmaceutical snooze-inducers). However, while reading the abstract, I learned that the feminine forms of nouns that usually end in "or" (think administrator, executor, dominator) use the suffix "trix" (administratrix, executrix, domina...well, you get the idea). Enter the word "creatrix".
Creatrix...the feminine creator.
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